Monday, September 13, 2010

Random Monday Post - Marriage Advice

So, Holly and I had two wedding showers this weekend (and one more this coming weekend). It’s been an interesting adventure, this whole process of being engaged and especially this past month-or-so of wedding planning.

To be completely honest, I never realized how much went into planning a wedding! I guess, though, in my defense I had basically just showed up to all the weddings I went to. I was in two of them, but wasn’t a part of the planning of those weddings.

There is a lot to think about as we’ve been getting closer and closer to the wedding. There has been so much preparation for the wedding, and, well, it’s slightly overwhelming. Truth be told, I wish we had just “taken the money and ran,” which was some of the first advice we got. But, my congregational view on life wouldn’t allow me to not invite my church to celebrate the marriage of one of their pastors to one of the girls they’ve seen and known since she was in diapers. As I say on Sunday mornings, we are a family. The “I’s” become “We’s” on Sunday mornings. So, we made the choice to celebrate together. We invited our family and friends and as much of the church as we possibly could to celebrate together with us.

Yesterday, we had a wedding shower, and part of the festivities of that involved all of the people (mostly ladies) in the room writing down their marriage advice to Holly and I. There was so much good advice.

The most common form of advice was to never go to bed angry. Followed by closely by one word advice, “Communication.”

I find it to be a blessing in my life that there are so many people who are willing to give me marriage advice. It truly is something I count as a blessing in my life that there are people who are willing to come alongside Holly and me, in order to teach us how to be married.

So, I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned the most in our 9 months of engagement. Of all the experiences, all the thoughts, tears and laughter, what stands out as the most teachable thing I’ve learned since I rose up from my knee after hearing her barely audible “Yes”?

I guess, the most important thing I’ve learned is that I do not always have to be right. For those of you who know me, you know that I absolutely love to be right. I worked extremely hard at college so that I would be able to say the right things. I don’t want to preach bad doctrine to my teens or my congregation. I never like to have to come back and say, “I was wrong when I said…”

This has always been one of the things I struggled with the most, but I absolutely don’t like being wrong.

Now, there’s always some jaded married person, generally a man, who says “Well, get ready, because once you’re married you’ll never be right again.”

Maybe that’s true, and I’m just not experiencing that yet because we’re not married. But, in my nine months of being engaged, I’ve not experienced always being wrong.

But man, when I’m wrong, I’m never just a little wrong. It’s like a plane crash of wrong. I mean, I do something wrong, and I feel like… well, I feel terrible.
So, the lesson for me is that, I’m not always right. And when I’m wrong, I need to work to make sure that I’m not wrong anymore (about that). I guess that’s my advice.

When you’re wrong, learn from it.

What’s your advice to an almost-married couple?


Edythe said...

Advice received now will probably not be remembered, but after about 7 years, reread the advice. Then you will be ready to receive it. So here is mine, based on Eph. 5:33. Alex, you must always love your wife unconditionally and show her so in many ways, words, acts of service, gifts, physical affection and time. Holly, you must always unconditionally respect your husband and show him so by words said and unsaid, the tone of your voice and the expression of your face. When it gets hard to do either of these, Remember The Vows You Made, and trust God who is Love to hold you together.